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2005
Saturday 11th June 2005
Theme: "Disney"
Project: Braintree District Mencap
2005
Days
Events
Procession
Winners
Queen &
Court
Project &
Donations
Sponsored
Walk
Carnival
Diary
Programme
Articles
Billy's
Diary

View From The Field -
2005 Picture Gallery
Preparations Procession Meadowside

Another record breaking Carnival thanks to the generosity of Braintree. A whopping £2067 was raised on the street collection as over 5,000 people watch 35 floats parade through Braintree town centre on their way to Meadowside.

Hold-ups delayed the procession by over 30 minutes. This was made worse when the closure sign was left at the end of Currants Farm Road, right at the end of the procession.

The delay was so severe that the Confederates of Derby Marching Band were forced to cancel the planned arena display.

Highlight of the evening was Mark Stannage world famous escape from a straight-jack whilst suspended from a burning rope. He then went on to blow himself up in a coffin - mad fool.


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2005 Programme of Events (As Advertised)
  • 1.00 Floats form at Lakes Road
  • 2.00 Judging of Floats
  • 2.00 Sideshows Open at Meadowside
  • 2.30 Procession leaves Lakes Road
  • 3.30 Procession arrives at Meadowside
  • 4.15 Grand Opening by Carnival Queen
  • 4.15 Confederates of Derby (Cancelled)
  • 4.35 Marxmen
  • 4.50 Bozo and Zizi With Freddie the Fire Engine
  • 5.15 The Suffolk School of Samba
  • 5.45 Ukan Club (Dance)
  • 6.00 Mark Stannage Escapology
  • 6.20 Bozo and Zizi With Freddie the Fire Engine
  • 6.40 Ukan Club (Dance)
  • 7.0 Mark Stannage Escapology
  • 8.00 Live Band - Carosel (Cancelled)
  • 9:00 Grand Draw
  • 9.15 Live Band - Carosel (Cancelled)
  • 10.00 Good Night
Braintree Carnival 2005
Other Attractions
  • Steam Gallopers
  • Big Wheel
  • Dodgems
  • Meteorite
  • The Eliminator
  • Super Bob
  • Corner Ride
  • Free Fall
  • Children's Rides
  • Sideshows
  • Bouncy Castle
  • Fun House
  • Bacon Sandwiches

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2005 Street Procession Entries and Winners
Class 1a
Veteran Vehicles
1. St. John's Ambulance
2. Poulters Taxis
3. St. John's Ambulance
Class 1b
Decorated Vehicles
1. Poulters Taxis
2. St Agnes Day Nursery
Class 2a
Voluntary Organisations (under 30ft)
1. 1st Bocking St Peters Guides
2. Braintree Town Football Club
3. Gt. Notley W.I.
h/c Braintree & District Mencap
> Braintree Air Cadets 158 Squadron
> Braintree B.M.X. Club
> Nacro Athletic Football Club
Class 2b
Voluntary Organisations (over 30ft)
1. Braintree Girls Brigade
2. 1st & 2nd Braintree, 1st & 2nd Bocking Brownies
3. Braintree Lions
Class 3a
Commercial & Industrial Firms
(under 30ft)
1. Braintree District Council
2. Fleurtations
3. Jaxx Bouncy Castles
h/c Brondon Tool Hire
> Roller World
> Cartridge World
Class 3b
Commercial & Industrial Firms
(over 30ft)
1. Kalstead Ltd
2. Xspect Health & Fitness
3. Tesco, Marks Farm
> Benson School Of Motoring
Class 4
Dancing Schools and Playgroups
1. White Court Dance Unlimited
2. Ukan Club
Class 8
Any person walking in fancy dress
> St Agnes Day Nursery
> Miss Muffets
Class 7
Visiting Queens
1. Walton
2. Clacton
3. Tiptree
h/c Maldon
> Stowmarket
> Coggeshall
> Brightlingsea
> Witham
> Hoddesdon & Broxbourne > Gt Bentley
Chairman's Cup 1.
Window Display Competition 1. RSPCA Charity shop

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2005 Carnival Queen and Attendants
2005 Queen & Court
Maria Drake, Carnival Queen
Being Braintree Carnival Queen was like a dream come true for me, ever since I was little I would watch the Carnivals and see the Carnival Queen and wish that one day that would be me. When I was picked to become Carnival Queen I had mixed feelings of both nervousness and excitement about the year ahead. I have enjoyed getting to know my fantastic Princesses and travelling to different areas and meeting different people.

I would like to say thanks to all the Carnival committee and especially Pat and Robert for guiding me throughout my year as Carnival Queen, which I have really enjoyed. Thank you.

Paige Ward, Carnival Princess
I have enjoyed the year as Carnival Princess, and also spending time with Maria the Carnival Queen and the other Princess Jade.

Going to other Carnivals were good fun, it was very nice visiting the old peoples homes at Christmas time.

All my time as a Carnival Princess I have really enjoyed myself and I would like to thank Pat and Robert for looking after us.

Jade Farrell, Carnival Princess
When you are Carnival Princess it is fun you will love it. I loved going to all of the Carnivals but Braintree was the best because that is your Carnival and you get to see all of your family and friends.

I would like to thank Pat and Robert and all the other people who looked after me, I am also thankful for two nice friends named Maria and Paige.

I hope the new Carnival Princesses enjoy being one as much as I did.

2005 Crowning
2005 Carnival Court
2005 Braintree Carnival

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2005 Project and Donations
Project Braintree District Mencap Society - Minibus Project

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2005 Sponsored Walk

A total of 36 walkers took part in the 2005 Charity Walk. Walkers were raising money for their own individual organisations including Cancer Research, the Tabor Centre, Little Haven Children's Hospice, Macmillan Cancer Relief and the St Agnes Day Centre.

Once again, we thank every who took part and who helped organise the event.

Details of the 2005 Walk were as follows:
Date: Sunday 11th September 2005
Venue: St. Johns Avenue (off Notley Road),
Riverside Pool Car Park
Distance: 20km (12.5 miles)
Start: 9.00 a.m. (latest 9.15 a.m.)
Stages: 12 (refreshments half way)

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2005 Carnival Diary
The following events include those organised or attended by the Braintree and Bocking Carnival and its representatives.
Month Date Event Notes
February Saturday Old Peoples Party, Bocking Singing
April Friday 1st Carnival Queen Selection Maria Drake
April Saturday 2nd Princess Competition Paige Ward
Jade Farrell
May 2nd Monday Bocking Village Fair Crowning
June Friday 10th 'Window Display' Judging  
June Saturday 11th Braintree Carnival Picture Gallery
June Saturday 18th Tiptree Carnival 3rd Queen & Court
June Sunday 19th Basildon/Pitsea Carnival  
June Saturday 25th Great Bentley Carnival  
July Saturday 9th Witham Carnival 1st Queen & Court
2nd Float
July Saturday 16th Stowmarket Carnival 1st Queen
August Saturday 13th Clacton Carnival  
August Tuesday 16th Clacton Torchlight 1st Queen & Court
August Saturday 20th Walton on the Naze Carnival 2nd Princesses
September Sunday 11th Sponsored Walk Details
September Saturday 17th Dunmow Carnival 1st Queen & Court
September Saturday 24th Burnham on Crouch Carnival 2nd Queen & Court
October Saturday 15th Presentation to Braintree Mencap Project

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2005 Programme Article - Spotting the Signs of Old Age

Note: The following article appeared in the 2005 Programme. It filled about 4 pages and it was an absolute doddle to write a most of it was found on t'Interweb.

I was thinking recently that I have not had a rant for years and it is about time I did. I then sat down to decide what to have a rant about and soon realised that I could not think of anything. My mind was blank. I then realised that I had forgotten what I was meant to be thinking about. Eventually I forgot why I was sitting down. At this point I got up and made a cup of tea.

Eventually I remembered what I had set out to do and just how forgetful I have become. This is one of the dreaded 'old age' symptoms that I have heard so much about. Therefore I am officially 'getting old'.

I then set about searching the Internet for proof of other signs. Let me share my findings with you:

  • Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
  • Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.
  • You always have enough milk in.
  • You never run with scissors.
  • Films you watched as a kid are now "Classics" and released in special anniversary box sets.
  • You start to worry about your parents' health.
  • You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.
  • While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
  • You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
  • You wish you had a shed.
  • Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
  • You wished you owned a lawnmower.
  • Rather than throw an old pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.
  • You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
  • You always have clean underwear and socks.
  • You own more than one good tie.
  • You sing along with the elevator music.
  • You take a metal detector to the beach.
  • You know what the word "equity" means.
  • You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
  • Your childhood toys start appearing on the telly as collectors' items.
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  • You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
  • You actually ASK for your father's advice.
  • You hear yourself say one of the following:
    • Because I said so
    • Yes you will
    • I pay the bills in this house
    • Eat your peas, they're good for you
    • Yes you will wear your vest
    • You'll be sorry
    • Do as I say not as I do
  • You leave gigs before the encore to "beat the rush".
  • Flicking through "Heat" magazine makes you too tired to go out.
  • You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
  • Your beer reaches its sell by date before you drink it.
  • Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
  • You spend more time on choosing your domestic appliances than you do your clothes.
  • Your best friend is dating someone half his or her age, and isn't breaking any laws.
  • You realise you are too old to die young.
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  • You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
  • To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
  • You have a shed.
  • Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 and have some really interesting guests on, you know.
  • When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.
  • You own a lawnmower.
  • You agree with your parent's politics.
  • You separate all your washing not just by colour but also by delicates, hand wash and woollens.
  • You have to read the instructions of any electrical gizmo before you even know how to turn it on.
  • You choose a car for its safety spec not the way it looks or performs anymore.
  • You have a Wedding suit all prepared.
  • The best sitcoms are the repeats.
  • Anoraks are more practical than denim jackets.
  • DIY becomes a hobby not a chore.
  • You spend more time in IKEA than in a night club
  • You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
  • You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
  • Your nose and ears are hairier than your head.
  • You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
  • You feel like the morning after, but you haven't had the night before.
  • You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
  • Christmas starts to really [expletive deleted] you off.
  • 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  • Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
  • Dinner and a movie = the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • You look forward to a quiet night in.
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  • Your favourite part of the newspaper is "20 Years Ago Today."
  • You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.
  • You find yourself listening to talk radio.
  • You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
  • You actually buy scarves, gloves and underpants.
  • You WANT clothes for Christmas.
  • The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
  • It's too cold to go to live football, even in August!
  • You start looking forward to the day you can get a good deal on a Saga holiday.
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • You start reading the obituaries instead of the wedding announcements.
  • Your old photos don't make you smile anymore you just get depressed.
  • You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
  • Your back goes out more than you do.
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
  • You are proud of your lawn mower.
  • You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
  • People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
  • You watch The Weather Channel.
  • You have a Funeral suit all prepared.
  • You can go bowling without drinking.
  • Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
  • The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • Your kids begin to look middle-aged.
  • You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  • You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
  • The pattern on your shorts and sofa match.
  • Jogging is something you do to your memory.
  • All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
  • You remember the "Rolling Stones".
  • You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new shoes.
  • There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
  • Things you buy now won't wear out.
  • You can live without sex but not without glasses.
  • Your eyes won't get much worse.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
  • Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
  • A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
  • You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along too.
  • You're cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
  • An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
  • You keep repeating yourself.
  • You know all the answers but nobody asks the questions.
  • You never know which day it is.
  • You draw your pension and wonder if you'll still be here to spend it.
  • You take a walk in the garden and get lost
  • You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the twenties gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on peeing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a cheeky one turns into 10, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, and.......

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2005 Billy's Diary Aged 6 - My Seventh Carnival
Eeh by gum and ecky thump. I reight me diary in some good ole Yorkshire prose and I gets nowt but narky comments. Gi'over tha gormless southarn Jessie Boys. So all reight, I'm fair flummoxed but I'll try and reight slower this year to see if that helps 'appen as like, 'appen as maybe, 'appen as not. Billy
Translation
Stopped on't way to eat our butties and have a skeg at some Pigs. They fair reeks but they is as 'appy as a pig in't muck - which is exactly wot they is.
Some workmen had put a flippin' great hole in't middle't road. Could do nowt but follow the diversion through backend't nowhere. Arrived after midnight and we is all fair jiggered especially our Mam.
She is expectin' another sprogg in September. This is well bad as I'll have a manky bairn mitherin' me and eatin' me toys. Mam & Dad are well chuffed. Our Mam and our Dad went t' field. I 'ad more nouse and spent day wi' Grandma & Grandpa.
Had a fair t' middlin' mornin' watchin' DVDs. Had to pack it in after lunch and went shoppin' wi' Grandma. Let her buy me some toys and sweets as it makes her feel better.
Dad went out wi' t'lads. Our Mam was tired and went t' bed. Went t'field wi' our Mam and our Dad today. Nowt was put up and our Mam was getting reight mardy. She became gaffer and soon had everyone hard at it.
Auntie Lynn had bought some cheap paint tha' shop could na' sell. Everything has been painted a mixture of Varicose Green, Gastric Yellow, Jaundice Melon and Mildew Violet. Makes tha' feel badly just looking at it.
Dad worked really hard to get stalls up and Auntie Rachel and Uncle Richard get some KFC and bring it t'field.
Played wi' Martha and Alicia after dinner and then went down't road t' shops wi' Auntie Lynn.
I am famished and after much faffin' and chelpin' Cousin Richard finally cooks some scran on't BBQ. Our Mam is frozzed and we has to go home. Eeh by gum, our Dad went off early as usual. I can't be mithered and get up later wi' our Mam. Had a reight leisurely breakfast and we are in fine fettle for the rest o't day.
Our Mam packed the bag with all me gear before our Dad came t' pick us up.
Go t' procession wi' Alicia. I'm Spiderman (again) and Alicia wore a hula skirt. Cousin Martin asks if I'd like to walk down't road wi' him but a have more nouse and ride in't car wi' Grandma and Grandad.
When we get back t' field I have to wait ages for Grandma and Grandpa to arrive to take me to spend all their money on t' stalls and rides.
I am reight jammy and won a big elephant, 3 bouncy balls, a pokemon and a wrestler. Also had a reight grand bacon sarnie made by Auttie Lynn.
Carnival finished wi' fireworks again. My job is to sit wi' Cousin Martin so he doesn't get too 'fraid. Big wussie girls blouse. Our Dad has to work tomorrow so we set off back t' Leeds straight after t' BBQ at Cousin Richards. Our Mam and me is fair jiggered and sleep all the way home.
Ta for readin' again and I hopes thee has understood me slower writin' this year. I'll tell thee about the new bairn next year. Dad says it'll be all reight but I say it'll be beefin' an blubberin' all night 'appen as like.
Tarra